April 18, 2014

10 reasons Bengal fans should hate the Cleveland Browns

 

The battle of Ohio. Even though the Browns are terrible, and have been for some time, this is still an interstate rivalry game. Nothing is better than watching the Bengals inject a little more misery into the lives of Cleveland Browns fans after an ass kicking on the field.

I have witnessed the dump of a city Cleveland first hand many times.  I have tailgated in the muni lot and been harassed by many Browns fans who really deep down hate themselves way more than they could ever hate me. So here, I offer 10 additional reasons for a Bengals fan to hate the Cleveland Browns.

1. The Dawg Pound – ok, the concept is kind of cool. Get all of the most rabid fans, seat them together and make the stands behind the end zone very intimidating for the other team.  Where Cleveland fails is the execution.  For example: team officials banned the carrying of dog food into the stadium, as fans would shower the visiting team with Milk-Bones, along with other objects. In the fourth quarter of a 1989 game against the Denver Broncos, the rain of batteries and other debris coming down from the bleachers was endangering the safety of the players. At the final game at Cleveland Stadium in 1995, members of the Dawg Pound ripped the bleachers from the stands (many having brought wrenches, crowbars, and other tools to dislodge the seats), and tossed them onto the field.

This is the same thing that prisoners do in prison riots, way to bring that kind of class to an NFL football game Browns fan.

2. Shaun Rogers – Besides the fact that the guy has a reputation of taking plays off during the game, in June 2007, Rogers was accused of sexually assaulting a stripper.  Why would someone take advantage of a woman just trying to put herself through college? Then to follow that up Rogers was arrested at Cleveland Hopkins Airport for having a loaded gun in his carryon luggage. Loaded gun on an airplane, who knew that was against the law?

3. The Cleveland fan – in an effort clean up the fan experience, Cleveland instituted their version of the jerk line. On opening day in the stadium this year, 16 Cleveland Browns fans were arrested. (see they really do hate themselves)

4. Staph – One of the chief exports of Cleveland since the decline of industry there has been the staph infection. Kellen Winslow blows out a knee and the team sends him to the Cleveland Clinic and he becomes one of far too many players to contract staph infection after surgery. LeCharles Bentley, a fan favorite, was born and raised in Cleveland and cries as he is interviewed putting on his uniform for the first preseason practice. On the first 7 on 7 drill he is hurt and never plays a game for the Browns. He suffers multiple staph infections and almost loses his leg. Joe Jurevicius plays almost 2 seasons before suffering a knee injury. He is sent to the Cleveland Clinic and he contracts not one but two different staph infections and may never play again.

To top it off, Winslow opens up to the media about the staph infection problems with the Browns and the team suspends him for conduct detrimental to the team.

5. The people of Cleveland hate Cleveland – Cleveland as a city has declined from a population of 914,000 in 1950 to less than half that today. The mass exit can be attributed to many things, but mostly is a testament to how bad the city sucks. The Plain Dealer (the local city newspaper) found that the higher a young person’s education degree, the more likely said person was to move out of Cleveland.

6. You will probably get killed in Cleveland – Cleveland ranked as the 7th most dangerous city in the nation among US cities with a population of 100,000 to 500,000 and the 11th most dangerous overall. Violent crime from 2005 to 2006 was mostly unchanged nationwide, but increased more than 10% in Cleveland. The murder rate dropped 30% in Cleveland, but was still far above the national average.

7. The Environment – The Cuyahoga River at one time was one of the most polluted rivers in the United States. The stretch from Akron to Cleveland was devoid of fish. There have reportedly been at least thirteen fires on the Cuyahoga River. The largest river fire in 1952 caused over $1 million in damage to boats and a riverfront office building. Fires erupted on the river several more times before June 22, 1969, when a river fire captured the attention of Time magazine, which described the Cuyahoga as the river that “oozes rather than flows” and in which a person “does not drown but decays.”

8. The roads – Although it seems most roads in Cleveland are always under some sort of construction, there never seems to be improvements done to these roads.  I think it is all a ruse by the local government and the goal is to deteriorate the roads so bad so that visitors cars are instantly disabled.  This makes it easier to keep them in the craphole of a city and also makes them fair game for Cleveland’s number one profession, robbing people.

9. Moses Cleaveland – As you can probably guess this is the guy that discovered / created Cleveland.  After buying a large chunk of land from the Connecticut government for 1,200,000 dollars he essentially was handed the task of creating Cleveland. He initially had resistance from the local Indian tribes who he paid off with whiskey, bread and 1,200 dollars. After creating the town he left to go back to Connecticut citing that Cleveland even then was a suckhole and no one should have to live there.

10. The Mistake by the lake – The city has high unemployment, dismal weather, hefty taxes, corruption and mediocre sports teams, all of which have propelled it to the No 1 position in the Forbes.com list: most miserable city in USA. “Cleveland nabbed the top spot as a result of poor ratings across the board. It was the only city that fell in the bottom half of rankings in all nine categories,” Forbes said on its website.

The rankings are based on jobless rates, inflation, taxes, commuting times, crime rates, performance by the city’s sports teams, weather, pollution and corruption by public officials.