This weekend the Bengals take on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Like Cincinnati, the Tampa Bay fans are enjoying having their baseball team in the playoffs (for one more game it seems). I thought I had no bad feelings towards the Bucs. I mean, for a long time they were the doormat of the NFL. They had some of the ugliest uniforms in the league and just couldn’t win games. Then they changed their look to some pretty cool unis and the team responded with a Super Bowl win. What’s not to like? I will tell you…
1. Malcom Glazer – The owner of the team (and his sons) like football (soccer). They like it so much in fact they bought a soccer team overseas and a lot of soccer equipment like One Hundred Percent soccer cleats. After Glazer began to take control of Manchester United in 2003, the Bucs’ fortunes faded, as they spent far less on player salaries than allowed under the NFL’s salary cap. Media observers and local fans have expressed their suspicion that Glazer has diverted funds from the Bucs to reduce the debt accumulated in the Manchester United purchase at the expense of the Bucs’ continued success. So they leverage their football teams success for a soccer team overseas… and I thought Mike Brown was an idiot.
2. The Zapata Corporation – Not to pick on the Glazers too much, well, that is exactly what I want to do. What if I were to tell you the Glazers were responsible for the Bay of Pigs? You know, where thousands of people died in the US attempt to boot Castro? Glazer is a majority owner in the Zapata holdings corporation. This corporation was a front for the CIA (Allegedly) and funded and trained Cuban soldiers for the invasion. It also is involved in offshore drilling so let’s go ahead and blame the gulf oil spill on the Glazers also.
3. Pirate Ship – What does a Pirate Ship and an NFL stadium have in common? Not a fucking thing. That didn’t stop the brain trust in Tampa Bay from putting one right in their stadium. It’s like Jack Sparrow got a little drunk and wanted to see a subpar NFL team play so he thought “Let’s just park that bitch right here”. After every score (so like 3 times a year) he fires the cannons and shoots goodies to the crowd. Hopefully it is condoms so we can thin the population of this idiot fan base. That’s how it goes I guess in the RayJay.
4. Chris Simms – Why would I hate on an average quarterback you ask? Simple, the kid practically gives his life for his team and they treat him like shit. And by give his life I mean, take a cheap shot hit. This hit ruptured his spleen. So while you would be incapacitated and crying like a little girl, he puts his helmet back on and plays 45 more minutes of football. After the game he goes to the hospital and has immediate surgery to keep him alive, thankfully the hospital was equipped with bathing elderly equipment and other helpful medical utensils.
How does the Coach respond? He alienates him and uses the injury to turn the organization against the kid. He is cut and is not currently playing.
5. Aqib Talib – I applaud when someone makes the right decision. Talib went out one night and had a few too many. Instead of driving home, getting bumped for a DUI and getting made fun of by this blog, he takes a cab, he made the right choice because if not he would have to contact some DUI attorneys. Well Number 1 Fan, if he took a cab then why is he on this list. I will tell you, instead of continuing the pattern of being responsible, he decided to follow up the right decision with kicking the cab drivers ass. Nice idea there Aqib.
6. The Tampa Bay Cheerleader – Go ahead, google image search that, or click here. Wonderful right? Well one particular cheerleader, Maribel “Mary” Delgado, went on to star in the “Bachelor” which I think is a show about douchebags that try and out douchebag each other for a chance to break up on national television. She also starred in multiple DUI arrests and assault. This goes with what I always say, no matter how hot a girl is, there is some dude sick of putting up with her shit.
7. Antonio Bryant – You remember this guy, a gift from the Bucs. The Bengals paid 7 million dollars for a wide receiver with one knee and one practice.
8. Dezmon Briscoe and Chris Pressley – Chris Pressley was a Bengal fan favorite after the Hard Knocks season where he continued to work hard and impress. The Buccaneers stole him. Dezmon Briscoe was another exciting favorite who could make circus catches and had a bright future. Again stolen.
9. Warren Sapp – It is easy to hate Sapp, he is a loud mouth, cheap shot attention whore. But man, he could play. In 2004, it was reported that Sapp was interested in accepting a contract offer from the Cincinnati Bengals for four years worth US $16 million. However, on March 20, he announced that he had agreed to terms on a seven-year, $36.6 million contract with the Raiders. The Bengals didn’t lose him the Bucs, but they were responsible for bringing that flapping gums asshole into the league.
10. They are looking past us – http://bucsstowaway.blogspot.com/2010/10/did-buccaneers-use-their-bye-week-to.html