November 28, 2014

10 Reasons Bengal fans should hate the Atlanta Falcons

1. Peachtrees -  A small part of land of the City of Atlanta was once an American Indian village whose name translates into English as “Standing Peachtree”. Nice fact, except the morons who developed the city decided to name every street Peachtree. Just head downtown, and you’ll find that West Peachtree Street runs parallel to Peachtree Street. Then there is Peachtree Road, Peachtree Industrial Boulevard and Peachtree Corners.

2. Crime -  There is nothing going on at night in downtown Atlanta, unless you are a drug dealer.  Locals are afraid to venture out even to the grocery stores after 9:00pm for fear they will be robbed. Even people from Cleveland are afraid of Atlanta after dark. The city of Atlanta ranks 12th in murder in the United States. They also rank seventh overall in violent crime.

3. Racism – Racism is still one of the largest pastimes in Atlanta. In the rural areas, there are still recruitment posters for the Klan. These are the ones who will smile to your face then put on their hoods and burn up your yard.

4. Pollen – The number one export of Atlanta is pollen. In Cincinnati, when the pollen count gets to about 200 it really bothers people.  Atlanta’s pollen count raises to about 5,700. It is so bad, cars, buildings and people are covered with the yellow stuff at certain times of the year.

5. Douchebags – The Falcons are responsible for bringing Deon Sanders, Brett Favre and Mike Vick into the league. It seems Atlanta has the ability to bring players into the league and teach them to be assholes.  Maybe it has something to do with the “Dirty Bird” (an idiotic dance that all but ensured that Atlanta would lose the only Super Bowl it played in) oh yeah, it was themed to music by Mc Hammer.

6. Dunta Robinson – Other than the whiny way he complained about only making 9.5 million in his last season for Huston, I didn’t have a problem with this corner.  That is until his hit on Desean Jackson this past weekend.  I get it, players want to make the big hit to get their face on TV, but this idiot managed to almost kill himself and Jackson on the same hit. There should have been two penalties on that play, 1 for hitting the receiver and two for being such a dumbass.

7. They play in a dome – Know how to make the atmosphere in Atlanta more depressing?  Put a Dome over it. You know, for the harsh Georgia winters. What a bunch of candy asses.

8. Traffic – So Atlanta built the MARTA as a means for public transportation.  I have been on it, you know where it takes you?  The Airport.  Anywhere else you try and take the Marta will increase your travel time by 300%.  You know why traffic is so bad?  No one has the time to waste riding an elevated train all day and not that many people need to go to the airport at all times.

9. Airport – So Atlanta is the busiest airport in the world. So when the light rain sweeps through the city and panic sets in, Atlanta can be blamed for the delays that pop up all over the country. It also is a hub for many airlines which explains why when you book a flight from Cincinnati to anywhere, you are almost always routed through Atlanta.

10. Interesting statistic – Falcons fans ranked their team 119th out of 122 professional sports organizations. Your own fans think you are only better than three other teams.  Even Falcons fans hate the Falcons.